Tank’s legal troubles continue

CHICAGO, IL — Tank Johnson, who was sentenced to 120 days in jail on March 15, 2007 for illegal gun possession and posession of a controlled substance, began serving his time towards the end of last month. According to Doug Lasser, head of security on Johnson’s cell block, the DT arrived with a beer bottle in hand and refused to turn it over to police. “Eventually we were able to confiscate the bottle,” Lasser says. “Not surprisingly, there was a large nugget of marijuana floating in the dregs of Budweiser. Tank denies having any knowledge of it, so we’re looking into who might be out to get him.” The Chicago Police Department is now frantically searching for the scheming little bugger who set up the city’s favorite felon. Despite Johnson’s denials, Bears coach Lovie Smith expressed disappointment in the troubled lineman. “We keep telling him to throw his weed away when there are cops around, and he just won’t listen,” a visibly exasperated Smith told SSNN. “We’ve offered to replace it for him – he knows Peanut Tillman’s always down to blaze a doobie with him – but he says that’s not the issue. For some reason, the very idea of wasting marijuana makes Tank physically ill. Frankly, we’ve run out of ideas.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!