Prior has surgery, aiming for 2008 return

CHICAGO, IL — After a morning in the operating room, Dr. James Andrews announced that the exploratory surgery he performed on Chicago Cubs pitcher Mark Prior was a success, and the former All-Star should be ready for the 2008 season.

Prior was unavailable for comment, but his publicist told SSNN that the pitcher was excited about being able to pitch without discomfort. Andrews said it was “a miracle” Prior was able to pitch for so long with his shoulder in such bad shape.

“The first thing we noticed was that Prior was keeping his signing bonus in his shoulder,” Andrews said. “When he came to we asked him about it and he said he didn’t trust banks. He said his right arm was his ‘money-maker,’ so he figured that was the best place to keep his cash.”

Andrews said that they removed millions of dollars from Prior’s shoulder, and that he advised the pitcher to find a different, equally secure location to hide his earnings.

“I just kept on telling him that his body is not a safe. I gave him the name and contact of my banker – hopefully we won’t have to go through this again.”

The Cubs were very pleased with the results of the surgery, and thrilled with the overall performance of Dr. Andrews. Team officials added that pitcher Kerry Wood has a meeting with the doctor scheduled for next week.

“Obviously the first thing I’m going to ask him is where he keeps his money,” Andrews said. “Young pitchers are impressionable, and sometimes they can develop similar bad habits if they spend too much time together.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!