No word on Durant draft status

AUSTIN, TX — Since his University of Texas basketball team was eliminated from the NCAA Tournament several weeks ago, Kevin Durant has been asked the same question repeatedly: is he planning to return to the UT for his sophomore year, or leave school and enter the NBA Draft? Most draft experts project the AP National Player of the Year would be drafted either first or second overall, with Ohio State’s Greg Oden filling the other slot (assuming he enters the draft). In an attempt to ease the enormous pressure placed upon him, Durant hosted a press conference to explain that he’s taking his time with the decision. “I know what’s at stake here, and I want to make sure I don’t make a mistake,” Durant said, turning his head back and forth to show off his new twelve-carat platinum earrings. “Eventually ya’ll will know – for now, just recognize that the new Aston Martin Vanquish is the hotness. I picked one up before I signed the papers on my new crib in Memphis – but on the NBA front, I just haven’t decided yet.” In a related story, Nike has announced that Durant – by pure coincidence – won a contest that awarded him a $90 million shoe contract and his own line of basketball sneakers. The contract would be voided should Durant choose to return to school.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!