Michigan nabs early commitment

ANN ARBOR, MI — The University of Michigan announced Friday that they have received a commitment from their quarterback of the future.

Tom Brady told school officials over the weekend that his yet-to-be-born child will ultimately attend the school that Brady himself played for from 1996-99. At a joint press conference with Brady and his pregnant ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, Michigan Athletic Director Bill Martin was visibly giddy about the announcement.

“Oh man this is awesome,” Martin said. “I just hope it’s a boy, because we really don’t have a place for women in the Michigan football program.”

Even at this early stage, Martin is convinced he knows exactly how the child’s career will play out.

“Brady’s baby projects as a really good college backup,” Martin said. “We’ll have him sit his first couple of years behind a minor-league third baseman. Does anyone know if Drew Henson has procreated yet?”

Many pundits thought the child would commit to Notre Dame, but Brady dismissed that idea.

“No way, I know Charlie too well,” Brady said. “I don’t want my kid developing into a first-round draft pick, where’s the fun in that?”

Brady refused to take any additional questions, saying he was late for an appointment to “lend my beautiful and talented genes to some supermodel.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!