Masters to undergo major changes

AUGUSTA, GA — The Masters Tournament, possibly the most prestigious golf tournament on the PGA tour, will be changed “dramatically” said Billy Paine, chairman of the Augusta National Golf Club. Paine announced on Tuesday – just two days after 31-year-old unknown Zach Johnson held off Tiger Woods to win golf’s biggest major – that the tournament will make some adjustments in an effort to attract the attention of a younger fan base. “First we’re going to change the name to ‘Masters of the Universe’,” Paine told reporters. “That sounds so much sweeter, doesn’t it?” He added that the top two contestants on the final day of the tournament will now be asked to wear He-Man and Skeletor costumes. Also, instead of the winner receiving the famed Green Jacket, they will now be awarded the Powers of Grayskull. “This blows,” said Phil Mickelson, the 2006 Masters champion. “Do you realize how bad I’m going to look in a He-Man outfit? I have my golf shirts custom-made to contain my bulky mid-section! Well, at least now I have an excuse to choke.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!