Lidge Revisited by Pujols Homer

HOUSTON, TX — After spending the off-season trying to make a full emotional recovery from his 2005 post-season blow-up (something he was never able to do during a career-worst 2006 season) Brad Lidge collapsed into a catatonically depressed stupor early Sunday morning when a baseball came through his window and landed inches from his head. “At first I thought it was just some punk kids, but it seemed too early in the morning for the neighborhood scoundrels,” said the Astros closer. “It was when I picked up the ball that I knew – it was that damn hanging slider.” Lidge now insists that the baseball which woke him is the same one Albert Pujols hit for a monstrous three-run homer in Game Five of the 2005 National League Championship Series. “You know what they say – if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and acts like a duck, it must be the baseball that ruined my life. Or a duck.” Lidge claims the ball had luggage with it, and that it told him it had visited “hundreds” of countries in the last year and a half. Lidge added that the ball now speaks six different languages. “When I threw it, it only spoke one language: gopher-ball,” Lidge said, choking back tears. “God I hate my life.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!