Knicks try new approach with Curry

NEW YORK, NY — Since the day he was drafted by the Chicago Bulls in 2001, expectations have been high for Eddy Curry. His imposing size and obvious physical ability led many to believe that he would be the next Shaquille O’Neal. Nevertheless, in his five-year career Curry has disappointed fans and coaches with a lackadaisical work ethic and bad attitude. Since acquiring the Chicago native, the Knicks have been looking for new ways to get the big man to live up to his potential, and head Coach Isisah Thomas believes he has found the solution. “Basically we told Eddy to stop playing defense,” Thomas said. “We’ve set up a lazyboy near the bench, so Eddy can just relax when we don’t have the ball. At this point, it’s just unrealistic to expect the guy to play both sides of the court.” SSNN has also learned that Curry insisted on choosing the lazyboy. After months of research, he settled on the Phat Boy 3000 – a chair designed to comfortably accommodate people weighing 300-plus pounds, with an automatic Twinkie dispenser built into the armrest. Eventually he would like to get a mini-refrigerator installed in the chair, so that he can sip on something while watching his team defend. While the chair is not likely augment his skill set, it is common knowledge that a fat, lazy Eddy Curry is a happy Eddy Curry.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!