Indians 2007 home games relocated

MILWAUKEE, WI — Major League Baseball announced Monday that the Cleveland Indians will play the rest of the games scheduled for Jacobs Field this season in Hell. The team’s entire series with the Seattle Mariners was snowed-out over the weekend, so the league felt it necessary to move quickly to nip a rash of cancellations in the bud. “It seems like a natural move, from Cleveland to Hell,” said Commissioner Bud Selig from his palacial Milwaukee estate. “This way, there’s virtually no chance of a snow-out. The differences in atmosphere will hardly be perceptible.” Though it is early, the situation seems to be a positive move for everyone involved. Cleveland fans are largely indifferent about losing the team, and the residents of Hell are ecstatic about their first professional sports team. “This is so great – truly a blessing,” said Beelzebub, a representative from the real Land Down Under. “How perfect is it that we got a team that hasn’t won a World Series since 1948? We would have preferred to get the Angels, so we could rename them the Hell’s Angels, but everybody’s still very excited.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!