Gyroball impressive in Dice-K debut

BOSTON, MA — New Boston Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka wowed fans, players and media in his first major league start on Thursday. He debuted his controversial gyroball, and all involved were impressed.

“I know that I’m a rookie and I’m still getting used to major league pitching, but that thing was not natural,” said Kansas City Royals third-baseman Alex Gordon. “It was straight out of old-school Nintendo’s Nolan Ryan Baseball.”

Dice-K started the game with two fastballs before unveiling the pitch. His arm came out of the socket and began spinning wildly before he finally released the ball. Once it came out of his hand, it visited with some fans in the first row and grabbed a beer from the concession stand before crossing the plate somewhere between 100 and 105 miles-per-hour.

“The really nutty thing is that Dice-K’s gyroball is so pleasant and nice,” said Red Sox manager Terry Francona. “I saw it signing autographs during the third inning before it struck out Mike Sweeney.”

Dice-K was reluctant to talk about the pitch after the game, simply saying he “can’t be sure what everybody is talking about.”

In a related story, Manny Ramirez told SSNN that the gyroball is hooking him up with “a guy who can find me some herbal medicine. If you know what I mean.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!