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News Item

Green Monster attacks

BOSTON, MA — Shortly after Wednesday’s game between the Red Sox and Seattle Mariners, Fenway’s famed Green Monster wall sprung to life and began eating everyone in sight. “Yeah, we had heard that the Green Monster was actually a monster that was just asleep, but we never really put much stock in that,” said Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein. “Oops, I guess.” The monster’s first victim was left fielder Manny Ramirez – the wall detached from the rest of the stadium, grabbed Manny and ate him whole. Strangely, no fans or other Red Sox reacted at first. “Honestly, we just thought it was Manny being Manny,” Epstein said. The wall then ate the left side of the Red Sox infield before the remaining players and fans scampered for safety. The Green Monster is still in the vicinity of Fenway Park, and all Red Sox home games have been postponed indefinitely. The monster did conduct a short question and answer session with some area reporters. “You can’t keep on hitting a living thing – hibernating or not – with baseballs and not expect there to be consequences,” the Green Monster said. “I think it’s really unprofessional for you people to call me a monster, given the circumstances. Manny went to the freaking bathroom inside me. Did everyone think I’d just take it?”

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Labels: Boston Red Sox, Fenway Park, Green Monster, Manny Ramirez, MLB, Theo Epstein

Posted on April 12th, 2007

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Other Related News Items

• Ramirez done “being Manny” (March 1, 2008)
• Manny looking to alleviate summer boredom (June 30, 2008)
• Ramirez plans to become gay porn star (August 4, 2008)
• Manny frightened by time travel, refusing to leave Japan (March 28, 2008)

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<a target="_blank" href="http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/2007/04/green-monster-attacks.html" title="Green Monster attacks">Green Monster attacks</a>

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