Exclusive: SSNN interview with Alex Rodriguez

New York Yankees’ third baseman Alex Rodriguez came by the SSNN newsroom on Monday to answer a variety of questions about his career and some of the controversies that have swirled around him the last couple of years. So, what drives the $250 million man?

SSNN: Thanks for taking time to speak to us, Alex.

Alex: No problem. I love your website, it’s the first place I go to get my sports news. It’s so serious… and so, you know, networky.

SSNN: You’ve never been to the website have you?

Alex: Next question.

SSNN: You’ve already made millions of dollars, and if you retired tomorrow there’s a good chance you’d be elected to the Hall of Fame five years from now. What drives you to keep doing it, Alex?

Alex: Can we go off the record for a minute?

SSNN: Sure, no problem.

Alex: It’s the personal records. I’m hoping to be the All-Time Home Run King when I retire, and I’d love to join the 400-400 [home runs and steals] club.

SSNN: Interesting. So you don’t have any team goals? [Ed. Note: For the record (Ed. Ed. Note: Yes, we appreciate the irony of using that phrase in this context) we had our fingers crossed when we agreed to go off the record.]

Alex: Haha… That’s why I took us off the record. Now write this down: A World Series victory is what drives me. All the personal records – they don’t mean anything. I just want to do whatever I can to help the Yankees win another championship.

SSNN: Sure thing, buddy. Now, you and Derek Jeter came into the league together as good friends, but lately that relationship seems to be on the decline. What’s happened between you two?

Alex: I slept with a couple of his girlfriends. And his sister. And his mom. But in my defense, I was drunk when I tapped Mrs. Jeter. And in their defense, I am incredibly attractive and talented. Look, all you need to know is that I love Derek like a brother – me and Derek will always have a deep bond.

SSNN: Despite your talent and – at least publicly – clean record, you’re not the most popular player with the fans. Why do you think this is?

Alex: I think most people are jealous of the way I look, not just Derek. No, I’m only kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding; it’s probably because I’m so damn good-looking. People wanna hate because they ain’t.

SSNN: People probably aren’t going to react well to statements like that.

Alex: Yeah, you’re right. Let’s scratch it and go with: I’m not sure why some fans don’t like me, it’s not something I really think about. All I can do is go out and give my all and hope my hard work will change their minds. Now, off the record, you should really stop asking me questions that might make me say something stupid.

SSNN: I’m sorry, I didn’t agree to go off the record for that. One last question. You mentioned the home run record earlier. What are the players saying about Barry Bonds potentially breaking that record this year?

Alex: We talk about this all the time. The media has been totally unfair to Juicy… that’s what we call Barry in the clubhouse. They say that men his age don’t experience things like growing heads and feet, but what do they know about normal? Why are we talking about Juicy, anyway? Isn’t this an interview about me?

SSNN: Sure, but we just thought we’d ask you a question or two about the rest of the league. You know, while you’re here anyway.

Alex: Sorry, I’m really not interested in that. I’m gonna have to leave. Nice talking to you… what did you say your name was?

SSNN: Serious Sports News Network. And thank you Alex. Seriously.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!