Duncan accepts Crawford challenge

SAN ANTONIO, TX — Tim Duncan announced Monday morning that he is going to accept NBA referee Joey Crawford’s invitation to fight, and that the bout will be held at the MGM Grand some time in July after the end of the NBA Playoffs. Crawford challenged Duncan to a fight after ejecting the San Antonio Spurs forward from a game last week for laughing at a call from the bench.

“We’re still hammering out the details as far as the exact date and the size of the purse. But let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter when exactly we throw down or how much it’s worth – that bald bastard doesn’t stand a chance,” Duncan said. “I just wonder if he’s going to try to eject me from the ring for beating his midget ass into the ground.”

Crawford, who is serving an indefinite suspension from the league, has already begun training. He refused to meet with the press, but released a statement describing himself as “confident.” His trainer, Mickey Goldmill, also feels that Crawford will be victorious.

“Jojo’s got a fighter’s heart. You can see it in everything he does, even refereeing,” Goldmill said. “Jojo’s from a tougher generation than this Duncan kid. Hell, the only shoe contract he ever got was a contract to actually make shoes. That Duncan punk doesn’t know what real work is.”

Duncan said that he will be trained by his current head coach and general manager, Greg Popovich. The All-Star forward sees it as a logical choice, pointing out that the duo has won three championships together. Though Popovich admitted he “barely know[s] what boxing is,” he also promised victory.

“Timmy boxes like he plays basketball – methodical, boring and with remarkable efficiency,” Pop said. “We plan to wear Crawford down until the fourth quarter, then let loose and bash his face in.”

The announcement of the fight has created quite a buzz among NBA players, and many of Duncan’s teammates said they will definitely attend. Even Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is trying to be a part of the event.

“I talked to Duncan’s representatives about adding a fight between myself and David Stern, but I don’t know if it’s going to work out,” Cuban said. “They want to put us on the undercard, and I think we’re main event material.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!