Dirk comes clean, changed name in ‘97

DALLAS, TX — In a shocking admission and strange non sequitur, NBA MVP candidate Dirk Nowitzki told reporters after a Dallas Mavericks practice that “Dirk” is a name he gave to himself. “Did you guys know I changed my name in November of 1997? It was after I saw that Boogie Nights movie with Marky Mark,” the versatile seven-footer confessed. “That character just reminded me so much of myself – well, outside of the vicious blow habit… and the whole starring in porn movies thing… and actually he’s pretty short… so really I guess it’s just the huge penis. [Ed. Note: By a vote of 7-2, the reporters on hand declined to verify Dirk's assertion. In accordance with our policy of vigorously pursuing all the facts, the SSNN basketball beat-writer was one of those brave two. She assures us there were no ulterior motives.] I knew I was headed for the NBA, and I decided it would be tough to market myself with a name like Garflagenreichel. At first my mom took it personally, but she’s a big Marky Mark fan so she appreciates the homage.” Dirk later revealed that he was planning on going with “David” in honor of David Hasselhoff before seeing Boogie Nights, but has “no regrets” about choosing the name of a movie porn star over that of a hack actor/pop star.