Daly starting golf camp

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — Early Saturday morning, golfer John Daly announced that he will help found a golf training camp for underprivileged children – the very first of its kind. It appears Daly has developed a strict-but-fair system that will teach campers lessons not limited to the golf course.

“These kids are going to come to my house and do some serious learnin’ over the next couple of weeks,” the 1995 British Open winner told reporters in between drags of his Marlboro Red. “By the time them boys finish here, they’ll be able to smoke two packs a day with a bottle of Jim Beam in their belly and still be able to make a twenty foot putt to save par. That’s the test of a true champion.”

Those lucky enough to attend the camp will be put through rigorous training, testing their minds as well as physical abilities. Activities will include: the two-story beer bong, smoke ring blowing, the Big Mac double-fist and beer belly maintenance.

Eventually, Daly hopes to release a DVD version of his out-of-the-box training methods, allowing kids across the country to learn from golf’s preeminent drinker and smoker. The video will include a coupon redeemable for a free bottle of whiskey and a carton of Malboro-brand cigarettes (Red, Light or Ultra-Light).

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!