Cubs plan Wrigley addition

CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Cubs are known as much for their stadium – Wrigley Field – as they are for being the eternal underdogs and lovable losers.

Not too many changes have been made to the stadium since it was built in 1914 and for that reason alone it has become somewhat of a tourist attraction. On Thursday morning, Cubs officials announced plans for an addition to the stadium that will change its appearance forever.

“We’ve decided to add a full-service hospital to the ballpark,” Cubs GM Jim Hendry said. “Given the quantity of injuries we inevitably suffer through every year, we felt it would save a lot of time if we could misdiagnose them right on the spot, rather than flying players to LA or North Carolina. That way we can start mistreating these guys right away, and make sure the players won’t get on the field as soon as possible. We’d prefer to be in complete control of the entire process.”

The Cubs have a history of injuries contributing to year after year of failure, and it seems 2007 won’t be any different: $136 million free agent acquisition Alfonso Soriano pulled a hamstring earlier this week, and teammates Aramis Ramirez and Mark DeRosa have also missed time due to injury in the first two weeks of the season.

The hospital wing of Wrigley will be called the PriorWood Complex, named for pitchers Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. Both starters have gone through countless arm injuries and rehabilitations only to find themselves back on the disabled list or in the minor leagues. The PriorWood Complex is expected to open some time in 2008.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!