Crosby wins, whines, wins

OTTAWA, CANADA — In a press conference before the Pittsburgh Penguins’ Saturday afternoon win over the Ottawa Senators, the NHL presented young Penguin star Sidney Crosby with the first annual Cry-Baby of the Year Award. Upon accepting the plaque, Crosby took the opportunity to express his attitude towards hockey referees, calling them “biased and inconsiderate.” Most athletes know better than to put blame on officials, but Crosby is certain that “those damn zebras are out to get me.” In an emotional outburst, Crosby told reporters, “I feel like I’m being abused because I’m pretty much the best player in the world, and no one’s doing anything about it!” A referee who spoke with SSNN on condition of anonymity fired back, saying “those are simply the rules of hockey. You don’t get kicked out of a game for knocking somebody over – this is not the NBA. Should I change the rules of hockey for that spoiled little twerp?” When asked for his take, Penguins coach Michael Therrien muttered something about Crosby’s vitamins being replaced with Estrogen pills before refusing to comment on the issue.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!