Clemens shocks MLB, signs with Spurs

SAN ANTONIO, TX — Roger Clemens announced on Saturday that he has signed a contract to play the rest of the season with the San Antonio Spurs. The move comes as a surprise to many who thought that if Clemens decided to play this season it would be for the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox or Houston Astros. It is also slightly surprising that Clemens has signed with a basketball team, a sport he said he has never played.

“I kept telling [the media] that I wanted to go somewhere I could win a championship,” Clemens said. “I don’t know that the Yankees, Sox or Astros are going to be able to do that this year. Besides, San Antonio is close to home.”

Spurs head coach Greg Popovich said that Clemens should be in uniform and ready to play for Monday night’s game with the Denver Nuggets. Popovich added that despite his basketball inexperience, Clemens should get playing time immediately.

“If there’s one thing all of us with the Spurs love, it’s veterans,” Popovich said. “We imagine that he will be an elite assist guy, though we have been working with him on taking a little off of his passes. He also has a tendency to throw balls that curve and dip unexpectedly, but we’ve got a couple of hours to work that out.”

The Spurs players seemed excited about the signing. Star forward Tim Duncan said he always wants to play with future Hall of Famers, while guard Tony Parker thinks Clemens will be an asset on and off the court.

“I’m hoping to get him to sing on my next rap single,” Parker said. “I have no idea why, but my CD isn’t selling that well. Having Clemens rap on one of my songs would provide some much needed publicity; I just hope he speaks French. Also, my fiancé is hot.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!