Subscribe To Our Site!

Hot Topics:

Main Menu

Home

About

Features

Submit

Facebook

MySpace

Friends

NSR

Contact

Mad-Libs

Archives

Gallery

Sponsors

Advertise

Subscribe

Jobs

SCNN

Pryzms

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Check out EnglishHarbour Network, the best and trusted online casino providing the online slots, table games and other casino games. Visit us for the best online gambling experience and great casino bonuses.

Cheap Sports Tickets
12 major suppliers
major mega $$$ choices
... Sports Ticket Depot

TOUTHOUSE.COM
MLB Betting Predictions, Free MLB Picks and Current Baseball Odds

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.


Buehrle accepts blame for Contreras’ bad outing

  • Digg
  • Google
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Technorati
  • Furl
  • YahooMyWeb
  • Fark

CHICAGO, IL — April 2, 2007 should have been a day of hope for the thousands of Chicagoans who filled the seats at U.S. Cellular Field to watch the White Sox and opening day starter Jose Contreras.

Unfortunately the Cuban pitcher showed nothing of the form that helped him dominate the 2005 post-season, instead surrendering 8 runs and retiring only three batters in an inning-plus. Two days after the debacle, fans and media learned the distressing cause of Contreras’ struggles – pointers from fellow pitcher Mark Buehrle, who is attempting to rebound from a career-worst season in 2006.

“Buehrle just give me small pointers, I no change much.” Contreras muttered Wednesday in his endearingly broken brand of English. “Most helpful thing he teach me is speaking – so I talk to ASU bitch.”

After extensive investigation, SSNN has discovered that Contreras was referring to pickup lines Buehrle taught him during a long night of drinking at an Arizona State bar. According to Brandi Effalot, a sixth-year senior at ASU, Contreras went home with another student after approaching her with the line, “Hi, I’m new in town. Can I have directions to your house?” [Ed. Note: SSNN's sources have confirmed that the average ASU female responds to such an inquiry with, "It would be silly to give you directions, why don't I just walk you there?"]

When pressed, Buehrle expressed regret for his actions: “Yeah, I guess I knew women weaken legs. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t a good idea; but José was dealing with a wicked dry spell – I thought a nice young lady might be just the thing to get his velocity up.”

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: , , , ,

Posted on April 4th, 2007

Subscribe To Our Site!

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our MySpace and/or Facebook pages!


Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

You must be logged in to post a comment.


Search Our Site

  

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Enter your Email


Check Out These Classics

Multimedia News

Vertical Soccer


It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Get the Flash Player to see the slideshow.

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

Featured News

News In Brief

Get Free Sports Picks including March Madness Picks, Sports Betting Strategy and the 2008 March Madness Bracket From Doc's College Basketball handicappers

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Serious Online Sports Betting at BetUS - America's favorite Sportsbook. Bet on any sport - football, tennis, UFC, golf or basketball.