Woods and Federer “totally BFF”

AUGUSTA, GA — Not many people can relate to men like Tiger Woods and Roger Federer. Both are doing things in their respective sports – golf and tennis – that have fans wondering aloud whether they are the greatest of all time.

After meeting one another thanks via their relationships with Nike, the two have become fast friends. At first they were only acquaintances, but now it seems that the two have become nearly inseparable.

“It’s really tough when me and R-Fed – I made up that nickname – are apart, because he’s like the only person I can talk to about stuff; you know, really talk to,” Woods said during an exclusive SSNN interview. “So we had Nike make us some snappy little wristbands with T&R BFF printed on them – this way we’ll always have each other on hand. Get it? On hand?.”

[Ed. Note: For our over-35 readers, 'BFF' stands for 'Best Friends Forever.']

According to Woods, the two eventually hope to live next door to each other, so they can “hang out whenever we want.” There are already big plans for the two-home complex – “we’re gonna build this really cool fort, with ladders and secret doors and all kinds of stuff, right in between the houses,” Federer said with a grin. “And most importantly, NO GIRLS ALLOWED.”

Unfortunately for tourist hopefuls, entrance into the fort will require a special handshake, and T&R won’t tell: “Our lips are sealed,” the pair said in repulsive unison.