Stern proposes overtime rule change

SECAUCUS, NJ — The NBA is discussing a change to their current overtime rules; one that would decide games by virtue of free throw contests. Commissioner David Stern says he is firmly behind the proposal, and that he would be willing to doctor the draft results if it would sway any team owners who oppose it. “The system we have in place right now is so fair and free from controversy that it’s disgusting,” Stern said. “I’d much rather have something like the NHL’s shoot-out or the Bowl Championship Series. I mean, a five-minute overtime period just follows so logically from the format of regulation. Blech!” Many players expressed amazement at the news, and some – particularly Shaquille O’Neal – were said to be “very dissapointed.” Stern said the proposed change is a result of a relatively low-controversy season in the NBA: “Players aren’t choking their coaches or fighting with fans this year, and teams are scoring more. I feel like it’s my job to give fans and columnists something to whine about, and apparently a team-on-team brawl just isn’t enough anymore. There’s simply too much happiness around the game right now.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!