Stern axes remainder of season, playoffs

NEW YORK, NY — At a Thursday press conference, NBA Commissioner David Stern called an abrupt end to the pro basketball season. The commissioner told a shocked group of reporters that there were myriad reasons for the decision, perhaps the most important being the NCAA basketball tournament. “No one is going to pay attention to the NBA for the rest of the month anyway, so what’s the point?” Stern said. He added that he watched an Eastern Conference game before the Suns’ thrilling, double overtime victory over the Mavericks, and it occurred to him that there may be a talent disparity between the conferences. “After watching last night’s Phoenix-Dallas game, I’ve decided Phoenix is the dominant team in the Western Conference. The way the East looks, I’m prepared to just give the championship to the Suns on the strength of that win,” Stern announced. “At this point we almost have to pay people to watch Eastern Conference basketball. Good thing I can rig the draft – that should help some.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!