SSNN’s Ten Greatest NBA Centers

The diligent staff at SSNN conducted an in-depth survey of NBA experts to determine the ten greatest centers in the league’s history. Funny thing happened - we came up with the same results as a poll on our non-brother website, ESPN… of course, our reasoning was slightly different…

1. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Jabbar would have ranked no higher than fourth on this list had he not changed his name from Lew Alcindor. Though records from the era are sketchy, we believe Abdul-Jabbar began his NBA career in the late 1920s before retiring after the 1989 season. Little known fact: he is also an accomplished pilot. [Ed. Note: See Airplane, the movie.]

2. Wilt Chamberlain
In 1961-62, Chamberlain had by far the most dominant season of all time, averaging 50.4 points and 25.7 rebounds per game. So why wasn’t Chamberlain No. 1? Well, we’re going to need documentation on those 20,000 women. A couple of questions for Wilt: Do repeats count? And are we talking third base or does it have to be a home run to qualify?

3. Bill Russell
Eleven-time NBA Champion. Yawn. Where’s the controversy? We don’t buy the Wilt feud, and Russell hasn’t done any movies - frankly, we’re surprised he even made the list. Must be the distinguished gray of his later years.

4. Shaquille O’Neal
O’Neal ranks this high not because of his accomplishments, but because his feud with Kobe Bryant turned the Lakers from perennial championship contenders into a middling grab bag of role players. His strength is overshadowed only by his ability to make bad rap records and worse movies. Three of our interns died trying to compile a list of all his nicknames. [Ed. Note: An Illinois court of law found that SSNN had zero legal culpability in said deaths, so don't even start with us.]

5. Hakeem Olajuwon
Olajuwon was notoriously drafted ahead of Jordan and only won his MVP and championships because His Airness decided to play baseball. Our conclusion? Jordan was a better center than Olajuwon, but he didn’t qualify in the poll.

6. Moses Malone
Malone played for entirely too long and set basketball eye-wear back 20 years. Like so many others, he would have ranked higher had he decided to have lots of sex or made bad movies.

7. Bill Walton
While he’s No. 7 on our list, he No. 1 in our hearts. Actually that’s a lie - but he is number one in the “illegal drugs abused” category, and we find it somewhat amazing that he could play at all (much less competently) with a head full of sunshine acid. Noted for his… unique taste in music, Walton’s friendship with Jerry Garcia puts him just a notch above D-Rob.

8. David Robinson
Where would Robinson have ranked had he not spent two years of his NBA career serving the Navy? Well, probably eighth. Under the Admiral’s guidance, the San Antonio Spurs took on the persona of their city – boring. Does a GREAT impersonation of former teammate and current head coach Avery Johnson. Seriously, it’s dead-on.

9. George Mikan
Tall, slow white guy who allegedly played in the NBA’s early years. If a 20-year-old Mikan were available in this years NBA draft he would be an excellent late second round pick. Draft expert Chad Ford compares him to a mix of Bryant Reeves and Chris Mihm. In other words, utterly dominant in a league filled with six-footers.

10. Patrick Ewing
I was really hoping Dikembe Mutombo would make this list so I could tell the story about him walking into a Georgetown area bar and yelling, “Who wants to climb Mount Mutombo?” Then I would call him the Julio Franco of the NBA. Ewing went to the same school as Mutombo and is proof that the NBA draft lottery is, in fact, not a lottery at all but simply a way for David Stern to further impose his will upon the league.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!