Sixers fined for success

PHILADELPHIA, PA — When the Philadelphia 76ers traded away superstar Allen Iverson to the Denver Nuggets in December, most thought the team was virtually assured a top five pick in the 2007 NBA Draft.

The games surrounding the trade – a stretch during which the squad plummeted from 5-8 to 10-29 – put smiles on the faces of those in the Sixers front office, and the team began making plans for the late-summer acquisition of a top NCAA player.

Unfortunately, the players remaining on the team (none of whose names were immediately available) ignored team policy and expended considerable effort. Now, despite management’s best efforts and a dismal 26-41 record, the team retains hopes of sneaking into the playoffs.

Those hopes were bolstered by a recent seven-game winning streak, during which the Sixers began to climb out of the rubble at the bottom of the Eastern Conference. This unthinkable hot streak prompted furious officials to fine each player on the Sixers $100,000 in hopes of diminishing their “stupid pride,” as one anonymous team source put it.

“I don’t know who these guys think they are, but this organization made a commitment to losing this season when we unloaded Allen,” GM Billy King said. “We intend to honor that commitment at any cost, and if these guys don’t start losing as a team, they can expect more consequences.”

Though players say it will take some getting used to, the losing philosophy has gone over fairly well.

“Actually, I’m pretty cool with it – at least there’s no pressure anymore. Plus we don’t have to practice, so I finally have time to cut my hair,” Sixers guard Kyle Korver told reporters.

If others buy in as Korver has, the team should be well on its way to bringing a new superstar to Philadelphia.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!