Pacman tops Bengals’ “most wanted” list

CINCINNATI, OH — The Cincinnati Bengals have yet to make a significant move this off-season, and aren’t expected to make any huge splashes in the free agent market.

Still, there is one player that Head Coach Marvin Lewis would jump to acquire should the opportunity present itself: Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones. Jones is at the top of a short wish list, and Lewis believes he could contribute immediately to the team.

“The foundation of any team is the character and morale of the players. I think over the years my staff and I have done a remarkable job of building a team that represents the Bengals in a positive way both on and off of the field. ‘Pacman’ would only strengthen that foundation,” the coach said earlier this week.

Jones has a troubled past that includes allegations of involvement in a violent altercation at a Las Vegas strip club, but Lewis is willing to overlook past indiscretions.

“We want to build a winning franchise here in Cincinnati, and we definitely hold our players to the highest of standards, but I know players like Chris Henry and Odell Thurman would be more than happy to take him under their collective wing. The way I see it, every police incident in his past is like a coupon.”

The Bengals’ aforementioned list also includes running back Maurice Clarett, wide receiver Koren Robinson and defensive tackle Tank Johnson.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!