NBA trades Hardaway for more open-minded ex-player

MIAMI, FL — After making headlines across the country for homophobic comments, ex-NBA player Tim Hardaway was “traded” for a player that can represent the NBA in a manner more respectful to the various lifestyles current players may lead. In return for Hardaway, the NBA has welcomed former player Latrell Sprewell back into the fold. Most remember Sprewell as the first NBA player to choke his coach – PJ Carlesimo, then with the Golden State Warriors – but those more discerning NBA followers know he’s simply a man trying to support his family. [Ed. Note: Not to defend a choke artist, but we've heard PJ is a colossal dickhead.] In his last season with the Minnesota Timberwolves, Sprewell earned a paltry $14.6 million; not nearly enough to afford the types of amenities his loved ones had come to take for granted. Sprewell is said to be truly looking forward to taking on the challenge of representing the NBA, and is not afraid of critics who suggest he’s no better for the job than his predecessor. “You pay me enough money and I’ll play with anyone you want me to,” Sprewell proclaimed to his doubters. “I’ll play on a team of lesbians if I have to… Actually, that might be pretty cool.” In a world that sometimes struggles to be accepting of all walks of life, Sprewell is a refreshing voice of reason.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!