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News Item

MTV to debut Dice-K TV

NEW YORK, NY — MTV announced today that they will launch Dice-K TV: The Life of Daisuke Matsuzaka. Executives with the network said it is not so much a show as a “weekly epic.” The three-hour program will debut on April 1. “Dude, we like, totally love rich athletes,” said the head of MTV programming, B.A. Toole. “And he’s from another country too, which is really like, you know, what’s the word I’m looking for? Foreign. Yeah, like foreign.”

The first three action-packed episodes are titled “Stretching,” “Running,” and the always exciting “Throwing on the Side.” Later episodes in the season include Dice-K shagging fly balls in the outfield and “Learning How To Eat Sunflower Seeds Without Using Your Hands.”

“Like, we totally think that ESPN is doing an awesome job of covering Daisuke,” said a metrosexual who claimed to work for MTV. “It’s just that there’s so much more to him than they’re showing, and we really captured the essence of Daisuke. We don’t like to toot our own horns, but… toot-toot.”

Early negotiations between the Red Sox and MTV nearly fell through when the network reportedly asked the team for permission to kick a player “off the island” each week, and wanted to contractually require them to win the World Series. Eventually, the two sides agreed to give MTV a say in Red Sox personnel decisions in exchange for Theo Epstein getting some extra face time on the show.

SSNN was granted an exclusive interview with Dice-K, but we were too cheap to hire a translator, so we had to guess what he was saying. “I love Serious Sports News Network… much more than I love baseball or my family,” Dice-K probably said. “I spend hours on their website and I am completely fascinated by their myspace page. As soon as I wake up in the morning, I listen to their podcast six or seven times.”

In an awkward moment that may end up on the show, Dice-K caught one of the interviewers checking out his wife. “Yes, my wife is very attractive,” we think he said. “You may have her as you wife. I will also give you my entire salary because I love your website so much.” [Ed. Note: While we still expect to receive a check from Daisuke, SSNN is accepting reader donations specifically for hiring a translator, so as to avoid situations like this in the future.]

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Labels: Boston Red Sox, Daisuke Matsuzaka, MLB, MTV, Theo Epstein

Posted on March 8th, 2007

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Other Related News Items

Red Sox hoping to trade for a big bat for the rest of the postseason, like Manny Ramirez (October 15, 2008)
Gyroball impressive in Dice-K debut (April 5, 2007)
BoSox starting rotation to work out at toxic waste dump (May 23, 2008)
Abbas and Olmert agree to peace between Red Sox and Yankees (November 28, 2007)

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