IOC announces Spring Break Olympics

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND — Spring Break has become an important part of American culture, and it will now be something the entire world can celebrate. The International Olympic Committee said Thursday that they are planning to debut the Spring Break Olympics in either 2009 or 2011.

“The Olympics have developed such a lame reputation. We just want to show everyone that we know how to party,” said IOC president Jacques Rogge. “By the way, the chicks at this thing are going to be killer.”

Rogge told SSNN that they are still early in the planning process, but a number of potential events have received strong support. Drinking, tanning, babe-watching, drinking, just hanging out, pickup lines and drinking are all likely to be included in the inaugural Spring Break Olympics.

“We are also thinking about having homework as an event, just to lend some legitimacy to the whole thing,” Rogge said. “I’m totally just kidding, dude. Did I mention we are seriously going to make drinking an event?”

The addition of a third Olympic Games is logical due to the recent success of the Winter and Summer Olympics. Rogge said that he has already been swarmed by potential sponsors, most notably MTV and every alcoholic beverage company in the universe. Though there are still hurdles in the planning process, Rogge had confidence that the pieces will fall into place.

“We haven’t talked to Costas yet, and we have to get him involved if this thing is gonna go down,” said the chairman. “Costas is not only the face of the Olympics, he’s a party legend. A lot of sports broadcasters brag about their athletic achievements, but not Costas. He’s all, ‘I can do a keg stand in 3.9 seconds, check this out.’ Dude is epic.”

Reactions from former and future Olympic athletes were mixed, but Bode Miller is said to be tremendously excited about the announcement. According to sources close to the skier, he is considering shelving all ski-related workouts to prepare full-time for the 2009 Spring Break Olympics.