Eli released from Mannings, Giants

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — For the last three years Eli Manning has been the quarterback of the New York Giants, and for three years Giants fans have been disappointed in the one-time first overall pick.

SSNN sources now report that Manning’s family is “fed up” with their son’s lackluster performance. So much so that the family has decided to rid themselves of the stench of mediocrity after watching their pride and joy – Eli’s older brother Peyton – win the Super Bowl.

“We’ve officially decided to part ways with Eli. Since his draft-day controversy, he has brought nothing but shame to this,” Manning’s now ex-father Archie said. “Now that he’s not a part of the family, we can all finally admit it: he’s just plain old country dumb.”

In a joint press conference with the Mannings, the New York Giants announced that Eli has been released from the team.

“We only drafted the guy because he was a Manning. We figured that had to count for something,” Giants General Manager Jerry Reese said. “I really think he missed out on the Manning genes somehow. If I was Archie, I’d be asking the milk man some questions.”

Eli refused to comment due to the lack of an etch-a-sketch (his preferred method of communication) but the look of confusion on his face spoke a thousand words.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!