Controversial spit no surprise to Tour vets

DORAL, FL — Sergio Garcia made headlines across the country this past week after spitting in the cup of the 13th hole at the Doral Open. Golf fans and other high-society types were appalled by his actions, not to mention the thought of a player behind him having to stick their hand into a cup coated with Garcia’s spit. Through an in-depth investigation that included interviewing other players on the Tour, SSNN has learned that this is not uncommon behavior for the Swingin’ Spaniard. In fact, he’s known for it: “Oh yeah, he’s definitely a spitter,” Vijay Singh told us. “He never swallows – he just spits wherever he can. I’ve seen him do it a million places, a million different times.” While some could not come to grips with Garcia’s strange behavior, the players on the Tour have learned to accept it and simply try to ignore it as much as possible. “It’s not right for us to judge him,” 2006 Master Champion Phil Mickelson said. “If he chooses to spit, that’s his decision. Sure, I’m generally a swallower [Ed. Note: If the editorial staff had been present for this interview, we might have suggested Mickelson contemplate a switch given his propensity for choking mid-swallow.] but it’s his life, and we just have to learn to live with it.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!