Britney Spears edges Mike Wilbon in SportsNation poll

BRISTOL, CT — Oops, Britney Spears is number one again – but this time it has nothing to do with music. An ESPN SportsNation poll crowned Britney’s new hairdo as the Best Celebrity Shaved Head, showing that America still cares despite her recent personal troubles. Spears received 43% of votes nationally, carrying 86% of her home state, Louisiana. Michael Wilbon was a close second with 37%, led by California (whose citizens are said to appreciate his laid back approach opposite the neurotic Tony Kornheiser on PTI, and many of whom have met and are disgusted with Spears) with an overwhelming 96%. Strangely, Wilbon’s native state – Illinois – was carried by third-place finisher Samuel L. Jackson, who sports the “natural bald” look in his new flick Black Snake Moan and the “Air Jordan bald” look in his off-screen life; the double-whammy of thespian baldness. Jordan himself was excluded from the poll in fairness to other bald celebrities, much as he was removed from consideration for the NBA MVP in the 1992-93 and 1996-97 seasons. Britney has not been informed of her victory yet, as she is cut off from all lines of communication while in rehab, but her publicist assured SSNN that she will be thrilled and promised to issue a statement upon her release.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!