Barkley finally gets ring

NEW YORK — In a 16-year NBA career, Charles Barkley scored over 20,000 points, dished out over 4,000 assists and reined in over 10,000 rebounds. But there is one thing ‘Sir Charles’ was never able to win – a championship. It’s no secret this has haunted Barkley since his retirement; to the point that he even contemplated making a return to the league in a last-ditch effort to win a ring. He thought better of the comeback, but Barkley has won his ring at last – by beating NBA Commissioner David Stern in a game of Texas Hold ‘em on Saturday night. “I can finally say that I’m a champion, and I can tell anyone who disagrees to kiss my black ass,” the eleven-time All Star said. “I can’t wait to rub this in Stockton and Malone’s faces. Get some longer shorts, honky!” SSNN was able to acquire the details of the bet from a source inside the illegal gambling facility. Commissioner Stern, had he won, would finally have made it into Barkley’s “Fave Five” phone list and been allowed to tell people he was a friend of the Round Mound. In addition to receiving the championship ring, Barkley will replace Jerry West as the NBA’s logo, doubling it in width.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!