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News Item

Pujols literally a machine

ST. LOUIS, MO  — Hindsight is always 20/20, but baseball fans probably should have seen this coming. Government officials were immediately suspicious when Albert Pujols qualified for U.S. citizenship with a 100% grade on the written test. An investigation followed, and U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard reported his findings late Friday afternoon: “It pains me to be the one who breaks this to the American public, but I’m afraid Albert Pujols is a machine. Not metaphorically; he’s actually a man-made combination of synthetic fibers and silicon processors. The United States government cannot comment on how this will affect his status in Major League Baseball, but his recently-granted citizenship has been revoked, effective immediately. This great country does not recognize robots as entities worthy of human freedoms or civil rights.”

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Labels: Albert Pujols, citizenship, MLB, robot, St. Louis Cardinals, US Government

Posted on February 9th, 2007

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Other Related News Items

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• Zambrano ruins Thanksgiving monopoly game at Murton family house (November 23, 2007)

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