Hayes, Dorn project as D-Ray contributors

ST. PETERSBURG — With pitchers and catchers set to report to camp on Friday, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays released a list of non-roster invitees that includes a few familiar names - at least, familiar to fans of the 1989 cinematic masterpiece, Major League. Roger Dorn, Willie Mays Hayes and Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn will all be vying for spots on the D-Rays’ opening-day roster, while Jake Taylor – unable to play since his sixteenth knee surgery – hopes to catch on as pitching coach. “With holes in our infield at shortstop and second… well, and third and also first, we think Dorn can definitely be a factor, and Hayes has the speed to make the squad.” GM Andrew Friedman said Monday. “The real prize would have been [first-baseman/DH Pedro] Cerrano, but we couldn’t get in touch with him.” [Ed. Note: SSNN has learned that Pedro Cerrano was committed to a Virginia state psychiatric facility after he appeared at and refused to leave the White House, insisting he was the President of the United States.]

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!