First dunk contest attempt to come early

LAS VEGAS, NV — The start of the first round of the NBA’s All-Star Slam Dunk contest has been re-scheduled. According to an official statement released by the league office on Tuesday, the contest - originally scheduled as part of All-Star Friday, February 16 - will begin on Friday, February 9.

5′8″ Nate Robinson (who won last year’s event despite requiring approximately 20 attempts to successfully complete his dunks) will take on first-time entrants Tyrus Thomas, Gerald Green and Dwight Howard in the 2007 version. Yet in a strange twist, only the defending champ will benefit from the early start.

According to the press release, “the NBA feels that this is the best way to ensure that the contest finishes on-time, without any unfortunate lulls in the action. Nate took an awfully long time to finish his dunks last year, and he certainly hasn’t grown - in height or humility - in the interim.”

Commissioner David Stern seemed loathe to comment further on the reasoning behind the change. When asked whether changing the rules to restrict the number of dunk attempts was considered, Stern asserted that “the rules of the NBA and its various contests and events are set in stone. By me. Literally.”

Lil’ Nate’s coach and GM Isiah Thomas seemed pleased with the change, saying “I think our locker-room chemistry will really benefit from the removal of Nate. Even if it’s just for a week, taking that cocky little midget away should put a lot of guys at ease.”

No word yet on whether TNT will sideline other programming to televise all of Robinson’s dunk attempts over the course of the week, or if they will only be shown on rarely-viewed NBATV.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!