Etheredge joins Bush administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Dick Cheney was on hand today to introduce the newest member of President George W. Bush’s cabinet to the media - former Terrell Owens publicist Kim Etheredge. The unemployed PR specialist will fill the previously non-existent Secretary of Misinformation and Public Relations position. “Kim’s handling of T.O.’s non-suicide attempt showed considerable commitment to misleading the public and an appropriate valuation of money over human life,” Cheney said. “It’s not every day you find someone who fully embodies virtually every characteristic this administration looks for in advisers, and when such a perfect candidate becomes available it’s no problem whatsoever to invent a position for her.” Etheredge’s first press conference came in response to continued and variegated allegations against Halliburton. She says the defense contractor has “9.3 billion reasons not to defraud the American people,” and that she expects the whistle-blowers to either retract their statements or suddenly vanish within the week.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!