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News Item

Parcells commits Cardinal sin

DALLAS, TX — Bill Parcells made no friends in Dallas Monday morning when - in an apparent speech mixup - he began his “retirement” press conference by announcing his acceptance of the head coaching job in Arizona. “I am thrilled to be able to accept this position,” Parcells told a baffled group of reporters. “On behalf of the entire Cardinals’ organization, I want to say that we expect this coming year and the years to follow to be winning ones here in the des- … wait - what’s the date? Oh, boy… This is embarrassing. I’ve got my January 23rd statement here. It’s the 22nd, isn’t it? Hold on, I’ve got that one somewhere.” After nearly a minute of digging through the pockets of his nylon tracksuit, Parcells pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and read, “I regret to inform you that I have coached my last game.” He went on to cite a loss of passion and lack of desire as reasons for his retirement from the Dallas Cowboys and the sport of football, presumably forever.

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Labels: Arizona Cardinals, Bill Parcells, Dallas Cowboys, NFL

Posted on January 23rd, 2007

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