Millions of Americans pissed off at John Cougar Mellencamp right now

USA — Millions of Americans, men and women alike, are furious with John Cougar Mellencamp today, as they have been for many Sundays in a row.

The reason, of course, is that Cougar wrote the song “Our Country,” a mildly patriotic ballad that is being used in Chevrolet Silverado truck commercials and is being played incessantly during the coverage of the National Football League.

“I’m so fucking sick of that song,” said John Michaels, 29, of Chicago, who claims that he watches football every weekend. “Not only are the commercials annoying, but then I get the song in my head for the next hour, and as soon as I get it out of my head, here it comes again.”

The backlash against the song has proved troublesome for Mellencamp, who says that his ability to live has basically been destroyed by the commercials.

“My week is four days now. Tuesday through Friday. That’s it,” Mellencamp said. “I don’t even dare go out in public between Saturday and Monday, people are so pissed off at me. Eggs get thrown at me, they won’t pump my gas at the gas station, and forget about a free meal at a restaurant. I thought that, you know, in the middle part of America, where people are obviously more patriotic, that they’d really take to the song. But, no, it’s actually the opposite.”

An interesting outgrowth of the song is that nation’s tens of thousands of active duty troops have banned the song from play, except by accident or uncontrollable external circumstances. “It’s hard enough to fight over here,” said Army PFC Michelle Rodriguez, 19, of Miami, “without hearing that shit every day. Though the part where he says, ‘From the East Coast, to the West Coast, from the Dixie Highway, back home,’ that part is kind of catchy. I wonder where the Dixie Highway is.”